The Castle

Some jobs can be fulfilling. Others can be soul-sucking, feeling you left to wonder what is your purpose? Are you making a difference? Are you truly fulfilled? Fifty years ago, the idea of fulfillment might have seemed laughable. A person was glad just to be earning a wage. And in a lot of situations, that is still the case. Being said, I am grateful for my job, especially in this economic climate. For years, I've gotten by on the notion that I could effectively separate my office life from my real life, as so wisely explained by Jennifer Aniston's character, Joanna, in the excellent film Office Space.

... most people don't like their jobs. But you go out there and find something that makes you happy

I have a coworker who I like to imagine as Keyser Soze from The Usual Suspects. She is always distracted in meetings, hiding behind imperfect English and seeming to not understand most things. But I'm convinced that she's aware of everything, and smarter than us all. I imagine her leaving the office, casting off her accent in the same way that Keyser Soze abandoned his limp at the end of the film. "I f**cking hate all those bastards," I like to imagine her saying...

I recently printed a photo of my two cats and taped it up near my mailbox in the main office. One of the cats has glowing eyes in the photo, like red-eye in humans, but it's yellow in cats. I went to my mailbox the other day, and noticed that someone had crudely taken a ball point pen and drew in pupils on my cat's eyes. That someone was my boss. I was perplexed, trying to imagine her motivation to vandalize my cats' photo. Was she in the main office after hours, staring at my cat's glowing eyes and feeling compelled to color them in? All she told me when she confessed was that she "wanted the cat to be looking at something." Now my cat's inky eyes follow you around the room. I don't like it, but if I take the picture down, she'll know it's because I didn't like that she drew on it.

We now have a rule of no eating at our desks. It's a problem if you have errands to run during your lunch break, or if it's raining outside and the break room is full. Equally draconian are the rules concerning working at special events- we are not supposed to sit or consume beverages like water or coffee in front of clients, even though the event lasts all day. None of these activities would look professional, we are told. I am more concerned with looking and feeling human, versus feeling like a cyborg. And I really don't think it would turn off potential buyers, who probably want to interact with humans and not cyborgs.

More often I contemplate my place in this organization, but I know that feeling lost and frustrated at work are hardly unique sentiments. Years ago I saw the movie Kafka with Jeremy Irons. I was captivated by the perverseness of his situation as a clerk at an insurance company in WWI era Prague- his unreasonable manager, his ridiculous and useless assistants, and eventually even murder (though I don't see that last one happening at my job)?

(Kafka talking to his two totally incompetent assistants, Ludwig and Oscar.)
Oscar: It's not too bad working here, though.
Kafka: You've never felt it was a horrible double life from which there's probably no escape but
insanity?
Ludwig: Yes.
Oscar: No.
Both: No.
Kafka: I envy you.
Oscar: You should be content, you know.
Ludwig: You should!


The movie had such an ideological and visual impact on me, that I've since had a pet-fantasy of opening a cafe called "Prague 1915," based on Kafka's Prague. It would serve Trappist ales, wine and a small selection of spirits, and be old world, bohemian, and gypsy. It would be dark with a touch of something diabolical- an air of superstition, without being full-on Vlad the Impaler. The closest thing that I've seen come close to this is Cafe Van Kleef in Oakland. Go there sometime, you will enjoy it.